meow

resolution: reviewed

by john ryan gallagher

the following was a post i wrote this past january about new year’s resolutions. i sucked at them…

there’s a lot of shit i don’t buy into or believe in. ordinarily, new year’s resolutions fall into this category. as i strive for 2011 to be a brighter year than 2010, i’ve decided to give them a shot.

my first resolution is to be as selfless as possible. i was sitting naked in my backyard one night in october and i saw a shooting star. the first thing i thought of was, what should i wish for? before i’d seen the shooting star, i’d been thinking about a friend who had recently been diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. i recognized right then and there that to make a wish for myself was utterly selfish. i realized just how shallow it is to make wishes for ourselves every time we see shooting stars, or throw a coin in a fountain, or blow out birthday candles. i creep facebook a lot and it drives me fucking insane how self-involved and in love with themselves people can be. admittedly, i too am somewhat guilty of this. i just want to make sure that i stop doing it as much as possible. it’s not just about me; it’s about all of us. one of the things that drove me nuts when i got back from haiti was going to clubs and seeing chicks walk around acting like they were the coolest, most superior people on the planet. their principles and priorities were so far askew that i had to tell my friends my leg hurt so that i could go home and draw pictures of them farting. i just wish people took the time more to focus on the world around them and not just themselves.

if you back up a few sentences you’ll see some hate coming through the page. that’s another thing i’m going to try to work on in ‘11. i just did a googe search for the quote, ‘the more you hate, the less you live’. i’m not seeing anyone else to have laid claim in coming up with this expression, so i therefore am going to take it. we spend too much energy on hating. we give in too much to the haters. we waste entirely too much energy in doing so. one of the things i hope to do this year is work more on acceptance and tolerance, as opposed to doing things like writing nasty folks songs about nasty chicks i know, or people that have wronged me. resentments aren’t the way to go. people can be jerks, but putting curses on them and hoping they get hit by buses is just wrong.

i need to quit smoking. i feel like a real shitheel for continuing to do so. i’m often so embarrased to be seen in public smoking that i hide in my backyard and do so. it’s a nasty habit and crutch that i’ve relied too heavily on until now. i’m not quitting today, or tomorrow, but i am going to do my best to lick it in ‘11.

there aren’t too many things that i excel at, but procrastinating is one of them. a longtime goal of mine has been to have the ability to take pride in doing something that i don’t like doing. does that make sense? say you were given community service for a crime you were innocent of, and the service was for you to repaint this ugly fucking clam shack. you’d be so pissed that you were out there painting that bitch, you’d most likely do a shitty job, slapping paint everywhere and getting it all over the ground, getting the job over with. that’s kind of what a lot of life is… what i’m working towards is finding a way to do the shit that i don’t like doing in a timely fashion and to the best of my ability. i want to stop putting things off until the last minute and doing a shitty job in general. i think i’m actually the proudest of this resolution so far. i literally came up with this one while i was dropping bombs.

as always, thank you for reading. hope you’re not too hungover today. give me your number and i will prank you later on tonight. happy new year!

(above) p.s. katy perry is a natural beauty