meow

summer reading
by john ryan gallagher
 
alas, it’s that time of year when high school students are spending warm days indoors watching film adaptations of ethan frome and pride and prejudice. with the demise of blockbuster and most mom and pop video stores, i’m sure it’s getting harder and harder for these kids to cheat. luckily, ondemand now offers a ‘summer reading list’ section where you can watch select titles for $2.99. the sad truth is that you probably don’t even have to read the books, or in this case, watch the movies. odds are your teachers are going to give you some lame project you can fudge in a matter of minutes. when i was a sophomore i was supposed to have read on the road before the start of school. naturally, i didn’t quite get to it, but was given the difficult task of drawing a picture that conveyed one of the book’s central themes. that was an easy one. i got a big poster board and i drew a fucking highway on it.
 
now that i’m finally (recently) out of school, i’ve taken to reading for pleasure, which, at age 14, seemed like something unimaginable. here are five books i cracked this summer that i enjoyed. i have to warn you that i’m not very intellectual and/or current when it comes to my reading choices. there are, however, a few of these you might like:

dogtown: death and enchantment in a new england ghost town by elyssa east
 
never should have snoozed on this book for as long as i did. this compelling study of gloucester, massachusetts’ barren interior landscape had everything: true crime, art history, pirates, townies, geology, and satanism! the book chronicles events surrounding a murder that took place in dogtown during the summer of 1984. it goes on to discuss all sorts of other peculiar activity that has happened there during the past five hundred years. it’s pretty creepy. i’ve been told that at one point in time my grandfather lived out there as well. he was a pretty interesting character. anyway, i finally went to dogtown a few weeks ago, and sure as shit, just like everyone else seems to, i got lost. i was also harassed by mosquitoes who went so far as to bite the palms of my hands. could i tell if dogtown were haunted that day? i’m not sure. aside from the mosquitoes and getting lost, i mostly felt good vibes. even that cool thing where i sorta always have to go number two whenever i’m exploring woods/nature happened. this also happens when i’m browsing in bookstore. 

 the gardner heist by ulrich boser
 
i’m under strict orders never to write about the missing ____ painting and the weekend the fbi followed my friend mark and me around haverhill. we were stumbling in drunken stoopers doing crazy shit. mark delivered art and the ____ painting was stolen from one of his trucks. naturally, the feds thought it was an inside job. it wasn’t. at least, i hope not. they interrogated the shit out of him in a cold room while he wore only his underwear. anyway, i bring that up only because this book reminded me of those lost days on several occasions and even discussed the theft of another ____ painting. to make a long story short, boser kept me turning the pages with his in-depth discussion on what most likely happened to prized pieces of isabella stewart gardner’s collection. i found it fascinating and at times chilling. i think you might like this book, and if you’ve never been to the gardner museum, it’s a truly amazing place worthy of your exploration. until the paintings are returned, the empty frames in the museum’s dutch room remain. i hope that before i bite the big one that i see them brought back.
 
w.a.r. by mick wall
 
this was certainly the most interesting of the four and a half books i’ve read on the subject of guns n’ roses. mick wall and axl hate one another. if you remember, mick even gets a shout out in the guns hate song get in the ring. that didn’t stop him from writing the penultimate bio on rock n’ roll’s strangest, and ultimately, most talented, front man. wall goes deep and effectively details the past twelve or so years, which to me, were the most interesting to digest. none of the other books can really explain the evolution of chinese democracy, and the weirdness surrounding it. there’s this pretty fantastic part where axl takes buckethead to disneyland to try to cheer him up. buckethead tells axl that he’d be much happier working and finishing chinese democracy if he were able to live and work from a chicken coop. apparently, buckethead became chicken obsessed (and even an advocate for) after he donned the kfc bucket over his masked, stupid face. axl hears this and immediately calls the label and has a chicken coop constructed in the studio THAT DAY.  
 

jaws by peter benchley
 
spoiler alert: a third of this book is not about a shark that eats people and the resulting hunting party that executes him. the centerpiece of jaws involves richard dreyfus’ character having sex with the chief’s wife. it’s pretty hot and weird, and where you’d think it wouldn’t work, it totally does. i even got a boner. it’s hard to read a book after you’ve seen the movie a zillion times. it’s not something i’m going to make a habit of. it’s definitely a page-turner, and i enjoyed the time i spent reading this book. before i stop talking about it, revealing more differences between the book and film, i’m going to refer to something my friend dave said the other night when i mentioned the movie. he said, “i wish i’d never seen it. every time i’m in the water, it’s always on my mind.” i couldn’t agree more. it’s absolutely insane that one guy could shit out a book one summer and ruin recreational swimming for so many. oddly enough, peter benchley felt enormous guilt for giving sharks such a bad reputation. he spent a great part of the rest of his life protecting them and educating the public about them. 
 

masters of reality by john darnielle
 
the singer of the mountain goats wrote this entry in the 33 1/3 series about black sabbath’s third album, masters of reality. the story is told through journal entries from a psych ward in 1985 and then 15 years later when the narrator has matured. i realize this description makes the book sound lame, but it was actually pretty mind blowing. there were parts that i connected to in this little piece of shit that were unlike anything i’d ever read before. there was tons of stuff about alienation and awkward coming of age moments that hit close to home. you wouldn’t even need to be a fan of black sabbath to enjoy this one, although i’m sure it probably helps.
 
all right, so i also read some crap like my appetite for destruction by steven adler, the maltese falcon by dashiell hammett, trash! by kris needs and dick porter, and  four james patterson books. that guy’s books are so whack. they’re all kinda the same thing, same rhythm. it never fails. there’s always two sex parts and each time i get a boner.
 
guess that fucker is doing something right….